Life's "Dogs of War"...

Humanity's Beaming Countenance from a once Reluctant Connoisseur. That's me at age 60 and two-plus years out of a frightening trek through the Twilight Zone with a psychopath and his black-hole-of-needs clan.  What have I discovered?  One must diligently choose whom to allow closely into your life.  Thoughts really do matter as they are the guidance system for your spirit's growth.   What truly matters in all of this?  As I am moving forward and clearing the clutter of my life - most especially my emotional field and being stuck in self-recrimination about the pathologicals that I gave chance after repeated change to, ever hoping that my gut evaluation of being used only as a tool was incorrect.

An old flame of long ago called me the "Queen of Second Chances" and I had, until this encounter, believed that to be a positive trait.  Hubbard professed that if one sought the best in people, it would indeed manifest.  I no longer concur with this.  Pathological behavior certainly entered my realm of experience.  Is it important to seek the "why" of its coming into my sphere?  Only in taking a look at my own personality mix and traits.  We humans are a hodgepodge of grand experimentation.   And the presence of pathological contacts may be a necessity in serving as a vaccination of sorts.  

Necessary or not as speculation goes, we must become more cognizant of our environment and the creations we are putting forth.  I agree with Nassim Haramein that we are a world of co-creators and that each of us throws open our arms and gives birth to domains within ourselves and outwardly.  But it is not in our best interest to obfuscate "reality" in our endeavors.  Yes, choosing thoughts as a guide is necessary as we work on our experience of life as our energies and manifestations bump into those of others.  Shakespeare wrote about Julius Caesar's assassination in his play with Marc Anthony raging about the conspirators.  

                                                    And Caesar's spirit, raging for revenge,

                                                    With Ate by his side come hot from hell,

                                                   Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice

                                                     Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of war,

                                                  That this foul deed shall smell above the earth."

Ate is the pagan goddess of ruin and anguish and "hot from hell" represented both the blessed and the damned.  Havoc meant to signal the time for pillaging.  All is within the realm of revenge.

My journey over this oddly colored and once barren terrain has caused me to morph into alterations of myself as I mold and rebuild my own sense of ethical stance along with my idea of faith and a higher power.  Humor has also returned as I now look at my place in this ever moving stream of being-ness.  I am reminded of the crab in Jonathan Livingston Seagull  who let go of the safety of the stream banks to sail within the battering waves, looking for what lay beyond his awareness.  The idea of revenge has fallen away and I can see the smile of creativity as I think of this quote given by the actor, Christopher Plummer, in his "Star Trek" movie role as a conniving Klingon upper echelon entry.  He wants a return of "things that were" when his people were proud and unfettered by needing to ask for help.  I feel somewhat like this political maneuverer  without the intrigue.  However, I have come to recognize that the past with its assorted ideas of virtue and choice has dissipated into the smoke of memory.  Making a tomorrow with the raw materials present along with a steadfast spirit will blaze a world of choice in tomorrow AND today...all while living the Now, bringing a joy to moments as they fly past.

My oldest daughter and her two magnificent sons of 6 and 7 have moved into my tiny house.  The change from life in a ghetto-like atmosphere has proven beneficial for "mama" and although the little guys love it here with grandma, they were never out-of-touch with their own souls" flight.  They are happy, bright, and eager for each new portion and point of time.  And, so am I.  My daughter told me that she sleeps better here with me - not as just another adult, but as "mom."  So, I can feel both God and this universe have held me in the palm of spiritual safety.  No matter what transpired, I am still me and have learned much.

Albert Einstein noted, "The only source of knowledge is experience."  As for me, I like this anonymous quote: "Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives."  For "good or ill" and that may only reside in perception.

                                    "Beam me up, Scotty."  I'm ready....