Just what are belief systems? Jonathan Glover, a philosopher, suggests that "beliefs have to be considered holistically, and that no belief exists in isolation in the mind of the believer. They always implicate and relate to other beliefs." (Wikipedia) Glover feels that beliefs can be held fast if one really wishes it. And this is the crux of my own experiences with that ex-partner and his clan. Living secluded from my family and loved ones, I found myself inundated with an alien strain of beliefs - atheism and "I am all and to be catered to in total reverence." The invalid mother became the hub for this with extended family - all living at a distance and with only memories of the person she used to be - chimed in to push toward fulfilling her every whim by using anyone (me) who could be found in close proximity. Lack of sleep, constant upheaval and chaos, ex-wives and girlfriends, an alcoholic adult son with never ending problems, the sister of the ex-wife calling round the clock in drunken and drugged states, and the ex -spouse working me every free moment to create the dream house to impress the lady contract for deed owner, as well as his tactics for my failure to do it all "correctly" with him away at work so frequently...and the forever encroaching bank levies and sympathy providers, splayed dissonance before me at each turn.
There are five examples where notice has taken place outlining the probability of use of brainwashing : the tactics of religious and cult recruiters, husbands who control their wives, Stockholm Syndrome, the maneuvering of beliefs and evaluations of prisoners in wartime, and with some humor, the supposed creation of Voodoo zombies. The Skeptic's Dictionary does not totally accept this possibility of brainwashing within these accepted five areas of expressed occurrence where one can be controlled without their consent. This dictionary suggests that an individual chooses to follow paths outside one's belief alignment because that being is striving "to do good." I think there is a great deal of credence in the idea that we change direction and fall in line with alien convictions because we ARE attempting to create a better conglomeration of reality. And that our set of beliefs are indeed connected to a vast spiderweb of these strongly held concepts. Of course, we may also conform more readily to a new set of ideas after being terrorized or battered. This provides the "toxic cocktail." (Sandra L. Brown)
From a site called Fringe Wisdom, answering "what do we believe" defines us, our actions, and requires an amazing leap of honesty in evaluating these. The social problem exists because so many people take on the colors and ideas of those around them without doing much questioning. In my experience, intentions and the drive to form a cohesion, mixed with a willingness to compromise for the greater good of a unit sounds high minded and very moral, but can be deadly if we lose that connection to our core. So, my thoughts roam to inquiries such as just to what else are my systems of ideas tethered? Belief in a higher power, exchanges such as work or action for money, and a connection with loved ones of lineage and those with ties of ideas and the camaraderie of experience.
All this revolves around an individual's core makeup. Ideas tend to be rather fragile as we work at living life with others. The desire to be honorable and do no harm provides the platform for kindness as we listen to the tenets and opinions of others. For me, my own experience showed me that one of my basic certainties was that I could allow leeway to another or others and still not only retain my image of myself as an entity, but that I would be fine. I felt it was my "spiritual obligation" to allow another expression of their beliefs, no matter how divergent from my own. But in life with a psychopath, the promise of peaceful existence - that I thought was the reward for compromise - is nil and the shaking of my perception of safety within my spirituality sent me sprawling.
I don't feel that heavy guilt or lack of self-esteem played a huge part for me; however, I do think that my inability to detach from the situation of anguish with the man and his clan, from my ideals and expectations, and my Pollyanna-ish naivete led me to loop back into old habits of coping whereby I relinquished mounting numbers of chunks of my being, watching as they floated off into space.
How does one reintegrate self with an eye toward the future? How does one rebuild trust in one's own choices and pathways of life?
For me, these are my choices of study and work:
Choosing the people I allow into my space of development and creation...
Checking with trustworthy social reference points...
Handling self-betrayal with compassion and better boundaries as I, with thoughts of courage, assess
who I am, my place in reality, and just what I am supposed to be doing in this here and now ...
Providing myself with a sense of safety, sleep, and better health (even comfort foods) that will enhance
my own critical thinking skills...
And giving myself the time to evaluate before jumping at joining some groups where pleasant or
intriguing ideas reside...
As in the process of brainwashing, there is a hope - and more- of the possibility of being saved from harm and destruction, and falling down that rabbit hole once again. But instead of within the framework of brainwashing, salvation will come as I reclaim my right to choose and act upon my own beliefs with a sense of ethical vigor.
The fascinating correlations to brainwashing can now be used to create a new or reclaimed self because I will be aware of my thoughts, past patterns, and knowledge that I am claiming a direction of stability and growth. By using my moral compass I will permit myself to decide what data from others to accept, just how I will permit it to affect me, and know that I can, indeed, perceive with clarity and certainty just who I am and where I'm headed. As "Star Trek's" Captain Jean-Luc Picard would say, "Engage."
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